Christmas Holidays

PLEASE NOTE for the Christmas period we we be closed from the 24th Dec 2011 until the 2nd Jan 2012

 

Our Seasonal Statement

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

.....or to the non lawyers MERRY CHRISTMAS

Where has all the money gone?

At first I thought this was funny....Then I realised the awful truth of  it. Be sure to read all the way to the end! 

Tax his land, Tax his bed,

Tax the table at which he's fed.

Tax his work, Tax his pay,

He works for peanuts anyway! 

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, 

Tax his pants, Tax his coat. 

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink,

Tax him if he tries to think. 

Tax his car, Tax his gas, 

Find other ways to tax his ass. 

Tax all he has then let him know

That you won't be done till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers; then tax him some more,

Tax him till he's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave,

Tax the sod in which he's laid.

When he's gone, do not relax,

It's time to apply the inheritance tax. 

Accounts Receivable Tax 

Airline surcharge tax

Airline Fuel Tax 

Airport Maintenance Tax

Building Permit Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax 

Goods and Services Tax (GST)

Death Tax 

Driving Permit Tax

Environmental Tax  (Fee)

Excise Taxes

Income Tax 

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax 

Petrol Tax (too much per litre)

Gross Receipts Tax

Health Tax

Inheritance Tax 

Interest Tax

Heating Tax

Lighting Tax

Cooking Tax

Liquor Tax

Luxury Taxes 

Marriage License Tax

Medicare Tax 

Mortgage Tax and his pension

Personal Income Tax 

Property Tax

Poverty Tax 

Prescription Drug Tax

Real Estate Tax 

Recreational Vehicle Tax

Retail Sales  Tax

Service Charge Tax

School Tax & Tax what he buys and what he sells

Telephone Tax

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Water Tax

Workers Compensation Tax

Tax (VAT) on Tax.

And now they want a bloody Carbon Tax!

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world...

We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class, a huge manufacturing base, and mum stayed home to raise the kids. 

What in the Hell happened?

Could it be the lying parasitic politicians wasting our money?

Oh, and don't forget the relatively new bank charges....

And we all know what we think of bankers.

December Offers

The Passing of an Old Friend

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

- Why the early bird gets the worm;

- Life isn't always fair;

- and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Want It Now

I Know My Rights

Someone Else Is To Blame

I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, send someone this link http://tinyurl.com/3v8z3q6. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Domain Registration Scam Letter

Letters are being sent to domain name holders purporting to be bills for continued registration. They do say, if read thoroughly, that they aren't a bill, but firms could easily be duped into paying the amount requested and thus accidentally transferring their registration. Below is an image of the letter we received from a firm called Domain Renewal Group.

How to write a divorce letter?

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good man to you for 27 years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me any more; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla and I are moving away to Wales together! Have a great life!

Her letter:

Dear Ex -Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 27 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much to try to drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me 'not to say anything if you can't say something nice', I didn't comment. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers:  I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed £50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million pounds, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Seychelles, but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.

So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife,

Rich as Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem. 

BUT Seriously, if you have any divorce or family queries please contact us for friendly expert advice.

         

Twitter comment on our firm

"The power of networking: I've just saved my nephew nearly £200 pounds in legal fees because I know the lovely people at @QSChapmanChubb" posted by Complete Business Management.(Twitter - @CompleteBusMgt).


Kirsty, from our conveyancing department commented "We provided a personalised service tailored to suit the needs of the client with a unique password to view online of all the stages of the conveyance as they occur."

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson 5

Your final lesson...........................

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy... A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ...
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy...

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull.  'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'   

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.  It's full of nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch....

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: 

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...

Look out for the next and final unmissable management lesson.

5 Minute management Course - Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'  The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' 

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Look out for the next unmissable management lesson.